Changes?

Well

Still have kept my resolve to not step on the scale. Have cut out my crazy high carb binge for now, have been keeping myself happy with phenomenal low carb baking thanks to kevinpa from Low Carb Friends. Enjoyed an amazing BLT on what tasted and felt just like a real roll but only had 3 carbs! have worked out three days in a row; Sunday: Total Body Sculpt, Monday: Shimmy, Tonight: Total Body Sculpt. bG still averaging 127..... Finding things I enjoy, spent time at Karen's today bathing a horse while wearing E on my back, and playing with dogs and chickens.

Working on love

The binging has all but ceased. I can tell I have put on some pounds. I am working every day at loving ME. Until I love me I won't consistently make healthy choices. It is not because I cant stick to low carb it is because I cant stick to anything at all. The low carb food is great and now that I found Kevin's recipes at Low Carb Friends and the recipes from Healthy Indulgences there is a low carb version for everything I love as comfort food. We had great biscuits last night- a Kentucky staple! The food and way of eating is not the problem, excuse, or reason. It is me and my need for self destruction and patterns of self hate. I truly believe that even with my grief and fear I am trying to surrender to God about Mom's grim cancer prognosis that if I loved myself I would find better ways to deal with it than binging and destruction. I feel like I have to accept myself and love myself as obese as part of this process. Especially as I quit focusing on appearance and numbers on a scale.