11:16 and I am awake waiting to run the diapers on a hot wash after they finish this cold one. Not to be up at midnight. Dear J went to bed at 9pm exhausted from work. E is finally in bed as of 10 minutes ago. I am settling in to watch Romancing the Stone, one of my fave movies, as everything is almost packed for Mom's tomorrow, with a chilled Blue Moon beer in hand- out of the bottle as I am to lazy to wash another dish tonight. We have a bottle of Champagne but what is the point without someone to drink it with?

I am so upset by the wheat gluten fiasco. Why was I so stupid? Just because it was in a low carb cookbook does not mean it is suitable for diabetics. My bG is still at 130 and it is 7 hours later!! Took another 5u bolus of Novolog just now and upped my usual nightime Lantus 3u because I anticipate tomorrow being high also as that is usually how my body works. I will keep close monitor on it. I should have consulted Dr B. And of course I ate way to much of the dough and several of the cookies instead of 1. Evil recipe. I will not make it again it is not worth it.

Onto the new year! I hope y'all are celebrating bigger than we are.

Last day of 09 and I am feeling down. Dreary wet day with no chance of getting outside. I had envisioned being into my size 14 jeans by now. Despite all the great encouragement I feel so sad about that. Took a day off from working out as all my muscles were screaming and I had to have tylenol just to sleep the tension headache was so severe. Made the mistake of cooking with vital wheat gluten for peanut butter cookies, got the recipe in a low carb cookbook, I feel and am so bloated and gross feeling. Yuck! And my bG shot up to 130! Ah well.

On the bright side. Next year is a new year and it can be all low carb and healthier than ever! E will be 1 so soon and I am already thinking of another once I get healthy and fit again..... I miss her being tiny and cuddly and smelling of a newborn, it went by so very fast. I am also starting a program to read the Bible through in 90 days repeating that 4 times in 2010. I once read the Bible in 2 weeks so I am certain I can do this. I need to do it. I long to do it. But I have serious issues with sticking to anything I do....

What else? I feel great! Hoping that you, dear reader, whomever you are, do to!

Thoughts on Exercise

Yesterday i went all out. We have FitTv so at 5:30A I did Gilad's Total Body Sculpt without weights. I had to so some sidesteps and marching through half of the squats. Youch! I sped up the arm moves to be effective without weights. Later on I caught 10 minutes of All Star Workouts with Michelle May, a great stretching floor torso work that seemed very pilates like. I also caught 10 minutes of an ab workout. We took a 1 mile walk. And I warmed up last night with Shimmy but couldn't do the workout as E needed me. This morning I intended the same but E caused me to miss Gilad. So I thought I would do energy flow yoga with Shiva Rea, my absolutely fav yoga instructor I have many of her DVD's and she has given me tons of strength and flexibility and inches lost last year before E. Got 5 minutes in before declaring it far to advanced for an injured wrist and my out of shape body. I am going to keep one of her DVD's in to start more slowly. Anyways, my abdominals around my incision are burning in this weird tearing stretching pulling unnerving kind of way. YOUCH!!! So maybe taking a break from working out today.... I love working out and I tend to overdo.... and alot of it is the absence of guilt when I do work out!

Sleep schedule

I rise at 4:45am to prep J's breakfast and lunch before he leaves, I then do some housework and studying and eat a bite because I am starving before my 5:30 workout (as of today the workout, previously more housework). Then to bed again by 6:15 am.
We then sleep until 9:30ish and have breakfast, then lunch at 1ish, a long walk, nap, dinner at 5:30. Bed at 11pm or so and E half awakens me every couple hours to nurse.

My weight loss has stalled and my bG goes up after the workout to 130's from 80's fasting. I am taking 6u of Lantus upon waking and 6u between 9 and 10pm. I also have Novolog if needed. If I have the 5Am food and then am starving when we get up at 9:30A and have to eat again- usually a pro shake is all I have time for then. Then I have lunch and dinner. That is more than 6-12-12. What am I to do?

Stalled Weight Loss, Help Please

I am stuck between 224-228 for 6 weeks now!!! ACK. What is going on? I am staying on plan on within 10 of plan. My bG is normalizing to under 110 consistently with fasting of 80 and 2 hr of 90's.... I am using 10u less insulin all the way around. My sleep is a bit wonky. I workout everyday and go for a 1 mile walk carrying a 20lb baby in a wrap at least 5 times a week (weather for E keeps me in sometimes if it is very windy or wet). I am so frustrated and if it weren't for the bG I would say ummm well, I would be done with it..... Any advice, tips or encouragement? I am in the process of using the search engine to find back posts from others...


So, I have been doing some searching over at Dr. Richard K. Bernstein's Forum and will then do some over at Jimmy Moore's site. But I need to crack down and reevaluate. I MUST MAKE CERTAIN I eat only 6-12-12. I will try that for 2 weeks, as well as fastidiously recording in fitday. If there is no change then I will start lessening protein bit by bit. I lost the most weight, interestingly, when I had 3 eggs scrambled with cream and butter and 3 strips of bacon every morning.... Must have jump started my metabolism. I have been having a pro shake or a lc muffin and cream. I have also been eating alot of lc goodies as I experiment with recipes and got through Holiday highs and lows and parties. Cutting that out for 2 weeks also. I hope.......

Resoloutions

I have been having a bit of Holiday depression and abusing low carb treats. Trying to use them as comfort food to heal/hide the condition of my heart and soul. I was just thinking that this morning as I woke up. Perfectly timed, and wanted to share what was in my inbox from Revive Our Hearts this morning:

"December 28, 2009

Never Give Up

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: It’s the season for making New Year’s Resolutions. Listen to one of Jonathan Edwards’ resolutions.

Jonathan Edwards: Resolved, never to give over nor in the least to slacken in my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

Nancy: While we’re thinking about resolutions for better diet and exercise, Edwards’ resolution may seem a little quaint. He was resolving never to give up in the fight against sin. That’s an important resolution.

He knew there were temptations in his life that had a stronger grip than others. I’m the same way. There are sins that I’ve struggled with for years.

Edwards refused to get used to those besetting sins. He was resolved to wage relentless warfare against sin by the power of God’s Spirit.

Why not consider making that your resolution this year?

With Seeking Him, I’m Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

This transcript is taken from the nationally-syndicated
daily radio program Seeking Him with Nancy Leigh DeMoss."

Gluttony and addiction are sins and I am constantly beset by them. I am constantly waging war against them. Yet, I have rarely engaged God to assistin the battle. Except when I first started lc last year and had to constantly pray for the ability to choke down meat as I had been always a vegetarian. Much to think on, study on, and pray on this morning. Hopefully will have time before E wakes up.

Another victorious holiday! I only had 1 small forkfull of pecan pie and 3 peanut M & M's at the the third location. Yay! J and I made a cream puff pudding to take and it was a hot and quelled our sweet tooth. Yay! First Holiday in years that my bG averaged 98.

Happy Holidays to all!

What NOT To Do With PolyDextrose

I am so very very nauseous wish I could throw up. Feels like the stomach virus. So abd it is making my nose run, so I thought I would post to spare others.

Made this recipe last night with some changes. Have used al these ingredients before, just not in this amount of polyd.
http://www.lowcarbluxury.com/recipes/recipe-cookie07.html

Didn't have splenda so used PolyD in same amount.
J said they made him sick after he ate 2. I ate same and was fine last night. I ate 2 this morning as I was starving and E needed me. And I wish I hadn't.........
Despite the sickness the texture was awful. PolyD imparts gooiness and chewiness and that was just to much Poly D.

Yuck yuck yuck. May never want a sweet thing EVER again. This may have benefits......

Another successful Holiday party! We requested pizza with extra cheese and the more meat the better and then we each had 4 pieces with the toppings scraped off onto a low carb tortilla. It was so yummy and satisfying, neither one of us were tempted to eat the crust. I had put together a chocolate eclair low carb trifle and we enjoyed that and shared with those who wanted to try. For the first time in years- possibly all my life- I enjoyed a social evening without drugs. Now don't flip out here, by drugs I mean carbs. I have been abusing and self medicating with this drug since the moment my body found out before my head knew that I was diabetic. Carbs for a diabetic are a very powerful upper and downer in my experience. Normally I would have been high as a kite for a few hours and then be so low and stoned, unable to move or think clearly. Until I had another fix. I have spent much of my life drugged. Wow. I see now how bG effects me closely thanks to Dr. B. It makes me wonder what I would have had the confidence, motivation, clear thought process, emotional stability to try had I not been drugged...... Onward!

And my Lantus lowering needs to be a bit lower, I am now in the low 70's

Weight Stall Is Over! With Chocolate Sauce and Cake

Woohooo! Down from 226-228 to 224.8! Yay! And that is with having sausage soy flour biscuits and lc cake and chocolate sauce yesterday. Yummy. Also my insulin needs to be dropped I have been taking 8u of Lantus Am to Pm and for the past two days I have been in the 60's often. I am going to go ahead and drop to 6u over the next three days and see if that works for me, I can always correct with Novolog if I get above my target.

Comfort Food Unveiled and Deshrined

Comfort food. I thought comfort food was just that, comfort. Turns out if you remove the addictive substances- carbs of all kinds- and recreate them low carb style, then those foods aren't so comforting or craveable. They are simply food that tastes fatty and nutritious. Too fatty and nutritious to overindulge at one sitting or by continuing to go back over and over until it is gone in a day. Interesting.

My weightloss has completely stalled. For 2 weeks now I have been from 226-228 and back again. I am so frustrated!

Yep. Meter never lies. Started last night, congestion, sore throat, earache, body aches and low grade fever. Probably picked up H1N1 from being at the Dr's office for 2 hours Tuesday near people who had had the nasal spray. yuck! Anyways.... E is sick also. Rough night and day. weightloss still stalled. Maybe the illness? Maybe body holding on to fat more because I am ill but must produce alot more breastmilk for the poor sick little one who is nursing constantly? Ah well. Fully into the swing of low carb. If I feel stressed I am using my other skills but also have the freedom of low carb comfort foods thanks to allowing myself some protein powder, soy flour, and an assortment of artificial sugars and syrups. Happy happy low carber who now gets a bit nauseous at the thought of wheat flour and cane sugars....

My bG was 126 as I went to bed last night so I took 6u of Novolog and my usual 8u of Lantus. I got up at midnight it was 124, I got up at 5am it was 124! Low carb all day yesterday. Stress or hormones? E had a really fussy and temper tantrum filled day yesterday. She can do so much now and she thinks she can do anything... It was very demanding and I got nothing done in the house. At least I managed to walk with her and Yukon. She hit her head hard before bed so I slept restlessly checking on her and she nursed alot I presume because her head hurt. I am up now to catch up on housework I hope but I am so tired, my nose is running and my throat is swollen and hurts. I thought from the cold outside or maybe allergies but maybe it is illness. We have been out alot and it seems EVERYONE EVERYWHERE is sick. Yuck.

Still going! I had been experimenting with low carb chocolates and soy flour muffins, crusts, etc and so had stalled in weight loss. At least that is what I believe is the reason. And I had also been unable to walk in the rainy weather. I just started walking again Monday so that might also have something to do with it. The experimentation did not effect my bG. I am still at 226. My bG 7 day has gone down from 117 now to 112. Yay! Goal is 83 and never above 110.

I am down to 227 again after getting back up to 234 After Thanksgiving and the first weekend of Decembers eatathon. Best news is my average bG for that week and 1/2 was 154 it is now down to 117! I feel so much better. And I am depressed I lost only the 7 lbs I had gained during the eatathon. But WOW 7lbs in a week and a half is awesome!!! If I had stuck with it I would have been down to 220. Ah well. I got up and started walking again like Ellie does.

I have been making alot of comfort foods. And it sure helps to be able to enjoy without guilt greasy sausage, peppers and a few onions, that is quickly becoming my favorite! I have made some great recipes from George Stella: Spice Muffins with walnuts topped with plain cream cheese, Blueberry Pancakes with the tiniest drizzle of sf honey, and the best pizza crust I have had on lc. I have also been making the peanut butter cups and nut chocolates I created at 1 to 1.5g carb each. Yum Yum! I recently came across a photo of the low carb raspberry cake I made for my birthday last year. I am just lookign for the recipe, I hope it is in my recipe blog so I can take it to Christmas to share along with a plate of assorted mini muffins and chocolates, and a roastbeef/green onion/cream cheese and nut cheese ball with salami slices as crackers. I am also hoping to take the family's heirloom cream puff recipe and make it low carb...... Now if only there was a way to replicate the crunchy topping of creme brulee.....

Happy happy lo carber!

Made up a 2 week grocery list based off my new cookbooks from George Stella and Dana Carpendar. Spent $180!!!! However, I had to buy a lot of shelf staples and $20 of non grocery items so....... Anyways, tonight we had blueberry pancakes. With a TINY drizzle of SF Honey. So far so good bG wise. I am however FREEZING. No fever but have the heat to 72 and still cant get warm.... No one else is cold... Is this a low carb thing? Bought lots of stuff for sweets and comfort foods as I try to sail through carb cravings and holidays. We even got a case of Pepsi 1 and will be making frozen pops. Lots of yummy food in the kitchen.

Successful Holiday Party!!!

Last night was great. Ate a bit of a chicken breast before everyone arrived to curb my hunger and longing eyes towards the carby stuff. Then I got to teh front of the food line partly because I had to fil E's plate but also because I wanted to dip mine without the temptation of what others got. I ate 1 grilled chicken breast piece and 1 fried after I pulled off the carby breading, it was KFC. 4 halves of deviled eggs and a chunk of pulled pork. Sadly, no one thought to have just veggies or salad anywhere and there was no butter or fats of any kind and I forgot ours. But that is all I ate. Even avoided the carby no sugar desserts! Yay!!!

Recipe Blog is rolling again!

Recipes That Have Saved This Diabetic's Life is being updated as frequently as possible again. Posted a new recipe I created today.

Ok. Stopped beating myself up. Thinking about how often E falls while trying to walk and she usually just grins big and tries again. And now, she mostly walks!
Realized can't give up sweets while doing this. I had researched that Splenda is to big to pass into breastmilk and also that is was in my lc tortillas all along and E has had no ill effects. Ordered from Netrition: Fiberfit, Splenda, Wheat Bran, Oat Bran (both to use in moderation), coconut flour, soy flour, protein powder. For Christmas from Granny I ordered myself several cookbooks by Dana Carpendar and 1 by George Stella. I rented FatHead from Netflix. I watched Blaine's LC Kitchen on FitTv. Trying to surround myself...

Like E I need to learn skills to balance, baby steps: learn alternate ways to destress, workout at least 15 min a day which I have been able to thanks to FitTv, surround myself in Low Carb....

Stress

So after being repentant this morn what did I do for lunch? Order and eat 1/2 of a 16" supreme pizza because we have not beent o grocery and E needed me and the realtor was here forever and I was having trouble with the new cell phone and trying to decide to put my old dog to sleep and...... I feel miserable. No energy, swollen, blah, and fuzzy headed. All that work positively gone again. Starting over AGAIN........

So I eat to relieve stress. I eat to relieve stress. I eat to relieve stress. Food is not a stress reliever. Food is not a stress reliever. Food is nto a stress reliever. Food is not a stress reliever. What is then??? What can I do with E in arms or when she is needing me present?

2 minutes of yoga stretches
Prayer
Read a scripture
5 deep breaths
5 minutes of dance with E
a tall glass of ice water
smile for 5 minutes- set timer
make E laugh
wash face
brush teeth
comb hair
moisturize hands
moisturize feet and put on socks
moisturize E and giver her a baby massage
Call Jamey and tell her a joke

All had been going so well and then a trip to parents over the weekend and I downed enough carbs to fuel me on lc for two months. Non stop. Cupcakes, muffins, pumpkin pie, cereal, milk, vanilla wafers and peanut butter... And the day we left at home I made peanut butter cookies, 7 of them, and ate them all. We leave Mom's and we have a lovely steak and green beans with no incliniation for the beautiful desserts taht kept passing by our table. Yet I had been even eating stuff I didnt like at moms..... what am it to do?

Weight loss still stalled.... Stress from J being gone most of the week with Finals and new job? Bad weather that keeps me from taking the baby out for our walk? Cheese, or chocolate? Stalled due to big carb day last Friday? I am not sure. I wish it would change. Trudging on with great bG.

Well. Still low carb and settling in but weight loss has stalled, I figure due to the cake and crust Friday as well as eating more cheese past few days. So less cheese.... My clothes are fitting much better so maybe I am also gaining muscle. I have been a bit tired which I think is also backlash from Friday. However my bG is leveling w an average of 110! Yay! Onward!

These are awesome! I made these w 1c almond flour, 1c flax meal, 1/3c raspb davinci, and 1/2c frozen raspberries, cinnamon and cloves.


MUFFINS, LOW CARB
• 2 cups almond flour (almond meal)
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
• 4 eggs
• 1/3 cup water
PREPARATION:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Butter a muffin tin - you can really do it with any size, but I'm assuming a 12-muffin tin.

3. Mix dry ingredients together well.

4. Add wet ingredients and mix thoroughly (you don't want strings of egg white in there - and you don't have to worry about "tunnels" when you are using almond meal).

5. Put in muffin tins (about 1/2-2/3 full) and bake for about 15 minutes.

6. Variations: Add 1 cup blueberries for blueberry muffins. For apricot muffins take a teaspoon of sugar-free apricot jam on each muffin and push it in slightly (it will sink more during baking).

Nutritional Information: Each of 12 muffins has 1.5 grams effective carbohydrate plus 2 grams fiber, 6 grams protein, and 185 calories.p

Today, not good at all. Off the wagon. All went well at our last T Day lunch until MIL presented us with a fudge layer cake w fondant icing and chocolate shavings/curls with a lit 10 candle for our Anniversary. I felt obligated to have a tiny slice which led to two tiny slices and as I did not bring insulin I ended up at 180 even after a 20 minute brisk walk carrying E in the Mei Tai! Then for dinner I ordered a calzone and ate the four meats and cheeses out of it BUT also the equivalent of the crust to 1 small pizza slice. UGH! What is wrong with me! The scale this morning said 226 for a grand total of 8lbs in 8 days. I will stall after this.... I feel awful, my legs ache, despite 10u N I am at 210bG!!!!! I feel miserable....It was not worth it! The banana pudding last night gave me confidence to eat just a bit that led to a landslide of cravings to bust again and misery in mind and body. I also was more bold because J had a big piece of dressing and then three helping sof the cake. I was relying on him. I can't rely on anyone but God to do this and the wisdom and power He gives me. Lesson learned? I hope so!

Survived Thanksgiving!

Still low carb! 227lbs today, grand total of 7lbs this week! bG average 119 instead of 170 in one week. I feel wonderful, energetic, sociable, stable in mood and mind, happy and in control and full and satisfied. No cravings now. I did splurge on two things. Literally a portion the exact size of my index finger of parents dressing, to me turkey day is not without that dressing, two teaspoonfulls of banana pudding because I knew if I didn't I would obsess over it until i went overboard with something else soon. And they tasted great, they were worth it and I felt full and satisfied eating a big mound of turkey slices, green beans and less than a 1.4c of lima beans, oh and a deviled egg. Same way with lunch only it was chicken instead. Mom and Dad even spent the night with tortilla chips and swiss rolls at my fingertips not to mention those big pans of dressing and I had to walk past the dessert table umpteen times at my grandmas. Woohoo! Treated J and I to some hot chocolate made with watered down cream with two pieces of Lindt 71% melted in it split between us. YUMMY! AND I got to wear a size 18 jean and high heel boots and a sweater that had nothign to do with maternity clothes! so I have dropped 2 sizes this week. How is that possible? I couldnt come close to fastening these jeans last week much less be comfy in them. And I have been averaging 2500 calories a day 75-80% of it fat!

So last night I really started to feel the withdrawl, tired, irritable add that to possibly getting sick- ears killing me- and E not feeling well and thus needing me every moment.... Anyways today was also rough. Trudging through. It is worth it!!! Still @ 229 but clothes fit much better and also that is a 5 lb loss from Thursday to Sunday! And I have had the energy to walk/pilates/yoga/calisthenics/dance every day except today so I am gaining muscle.

E is finally in bed and hopefully I will have a few moments. the carb cravings are kinda getting to me now. But I know if I stick to it, they will be gone soon. Instead of popcorn I roasted some zucchini in chip shapes until crisp and put some cheddar on parchment paper and made cheese crisps and dipped in mayo tonight. Bringing home my dehydrator to make some squash chips this week.... J is making venison jerky tonight. Sounds yummy even after a big ol venison tenderloin for dinner tonight. Surprised at myself for being able to eat it after having seen the buck it came from....

Have stuck to this WOE 100% so far!

Duh Moment..... Again

I was reading through Lesson 4 in 21 Life Lessons from Livin La Vida Low Carb and realized that I assume I will fail at this WOE (Way of Eating). That is a revelation that I would think would have been obvious to me, but it wasn't. I read how low fat diets, according to a 7 year study published in 2006, did not improve health or lead to significant weight loss. I read about Jimmy feeling miserable, deprived, constantly hungry and fraught with cravings during 1999 when he lost 170lb low fat dieting. I have been there. I have tried since a teenager numerous diets and I never succeeded, of course back then I was only 15lbs off being 'perfect' as I called it. To lose just 15 vanity lbs, as I was a size 9 back then and very very fit, I set myself up on all kinds of low fat and trendy diets that led to cravings, constant hunger, binges of eating from deprivation, then emotional eating and on and on until at 20 years old in 1998 I had gained from the healthy range for my frame and build of 170lbs to 225. All in trying to lose 15lbs to look more like a model I saw on TV or Magazines!!! Wow. I just realized all this and it makes my head and heart reel....

So my point?

This is a WOE not a diet. It makes me feel full, energetic. It stabilizes my blood sugar to a normal person's range with the help of tiny amounts of insulin as I have destroyed my pancreas with all this dieting and weight gain, and need a bit of insulin. It is improving my health as I am also learning in this book. It truly is a lifestyle change that improves me, not some fad diet I can't wait to get off of. And it is not like the others I have tried and failed at killing my self worth and making me feel as if I were a broken person who could never do anything because I couldnt do this basic thing - calories in calories out, self control etc. I will succeed and keep the weight off and be healthy!

I have also realized something else. I had focused on low carb because I am diabetic and so I felt cursed, doomed, and self pitying because unlike 'normal' people I HAD to eat this way or die. I came to low carb via Dr Richard K Bernstein's Diabetes Soloution and he states over and over how healthy this WOE is but I didn't catch it. Now I see that EVERYONE should be low carb to improve their health and I don't feel miserable and deprived because so and so around me can down half a pecan pie or even just a slice and be fine because I know what that is doing to their health, to their heart, to their liver, to their odds of cancer which feeds on sugar. When will everyone wake up and see the truth? I feel so sad for them

CBS This Morning, AstraZenneca,Lipitor & LowCarb

Ok. So I am watching CBS this morning and was half listening to a segment about peleolithic diets with a researcher saying yes they were healthy with no heart problems etc. but they didn't live long and showed a cave man being smashed by a boulder. I thought to myself, are you insinuating that yes low carb is healthy now but int he long run we just don't know because cave men didn't live long enough for us to know? What? And then it goes on to say that the reason they didn't eat starches or grains is because you have to cook to digest them and cavemen didn't cook. So the researcher said we should combine paleolithic healthy diet with carbs because of modern technology and put an equation in big letters on the screen, I believe it was Ancient Diets + Modern Technology = Healthy Diets. They later said that afterall ancients didn't always have the best ideas stating that those in Napoleans time robbed graves for Egyptian mummies and ate them, and that foe centuries sailors thought they could live on just dried meat and biscuits and they got scurvy. When it was all over it announced this segment was funded by AstraZeneca!!!

Earlier they had a segment on hot dogs mexican style which have chorizo topping and I think I saw cooked wrapped in bacon and Mo Rocca said "can I get some Lipitor to go on top of that?"

Talk about subtle marketing with your laid back Sunday morning arts and humanities news show....

Sorry for typos and such, typing one handed again

Yesterday was another low carb success!! I am feeling so much clearer of mind and stable of mood. I feel I need to add a few more calories as I am breastfeeding because I wake up hungry mid night, Possibly because E nurses most of the night. I am a bit concerned about ketones in breastmilk. But I have at least read enough research to be not to concerned, make sense? I need to do more. Got Jimmy Moore's new book today and am reading trough it. I love what Dana Carpender said about reaffirming low carb with books, blogs, websites, chat rooms, forums as we do not get enough support in real life and/or are bombarded by dopamine inducing marketing and reinforcement of well meaning others stating we need this high carb food to feel happy, comforted and fulfilled. So we have to seek out our own dopamine programming.

1st day of official low carb and getting to listen to a Holiday Survival teleseminar with Jimmy Moore!!!!

Today is going great! Had warmed up leftover creamed spinach mixed in with lo carb pasta and sausage sauce. For lunch had 2 hamburgers with cheese and mixed veggies, no breads or bread subs. If I get hungry this afternoon I will have a glass of water and then 1/2c of heavy cream. E and I went for a walk this morn also. And am about to put on music and dance with her and try to do some yoga/pilates. Upping my water intake has also helped my mood and cravings. Need to alter Lantus dose as my fasting bG was 186!!!!! I dont think that can just be from the cookies last night as I covered with insulin well 12u of Novolog. So this morn I took 5u of Novolog and then jsut 10u of Lantus a bit later and will try Lantus also tonight.

Update: So far via fitday.com: 1,789cal, 151.1fat,44.0carbo,68.9 pro.
About where I want to be very close to it!
Fat 75%, carbs 9%, and pro 16%

Maybe a bit low on calories, may add 2tb pb or 1.4c cream or both. which would be
2,100cal,181.1fat,47.7 carb,74.1 pro, fat to 77% and pro 14%.

weight232

Today started great. 2 eggs, cream, and sausage pasta sauce with cheddar cheese. Lunch grilled creole chicken breast, mix veg, cream spinach. Then it started: poporn 2c of it at 2pm.... dinner was 2 hamburger patties, melted cheese, mix veg in cheese sauce. Then I made PB cookies. Only had 1/2c of sugar in the whole batch but stil to much natural pb and a total of 1.5c sr flour....... I ate 7.....

Huge improvements but a way to go yet. Tomorrow?

Oh yeah, this morn I only took 10u of lantus instead of 18

Been a miserable few days low carb not low carb and everything between......
Caught a look at some photos taken this weekend and compared them to last May/June... Sharing them.

YIKES! In my mind I am a size 14, lumpy feeling but much smaller than reality size. How does that happen? The mind thing?

I dont want pictures of my familys first holidays to be of me like that. It is to late to make a huge differance but at least I can FEEL better. I felt so great back in May and June of last year. I want that again. Considering posting these images on my fridge and bathroom mirror. My poor dh, I am so so ugly and he never complains.

How do i stick to lc changes when I am so stressed?

Today went well. 2 boiled eggs, 1/2 rice cake and 1/2c cream, lunch was curried lc veggies and tandoori chicken. Then for he afternoon we went to my Nanny's. Tomorrow she turns the keys over to new owner. Tonight was the last night to be there, to have my daughter there, with Pop gone and being there it just seems he stepped out and I just missed him but will catch him next time, but with N at Aunt Shirleys it will all be to real..... Anyway, walked in to movers carrying out her things and to a big bowl of halloween candies, my fav mini bars.... I ate probably 4 w/o stopping to breathe, and then the rest of the afternoon ate 8 or so more plus a zebra cake pack, and the went to Dairy Hill for a corn dog..... I truly eat away my emotions as a robotic response. I must be careful with addiction to food.... Ah well, try again tomorrow...

Day 1

Today was day 1. 1,994cal, 164.4 fat, 48.4carbo, 72.8pro! Awesome considering we went to Applebee's for Veteran's Day. I had the french onion soup w/o bread but with cheese, and took the meat and cheese off the french dip slider. It was yummy. I did take 1/4 of a roll and ate it as we planned on walking and I had my normal 18u of Lantus that morning plus am nursing so did not want to be on trail to low. Because of E I would rather be a bit high than low. 230lb today. Size 22 jeans but that has more to do with post surgery/pregnancy lower abdomen than anywhere else...

Feeling the light headedness. Will drink a 1/4c cream and have some cheese before bed and lots more water.

I am doing this!

I see that profile shot of myself and I don't recognize me. Where have I gone? I am such a new person so much physical pain as well as fear and loss and dissapointment behind me and to go with it 60lbs of weight weighing me down, dragging me down drowning me as the grief slowly subsides the pain has left its more lasting evidence in pounds I want to shed them like a cocoon I want to find the real Star the healthy, vibrant, energetic, happy, ready for anything Star.

So I keep coming back posting the same thing....

I have been so busy with Ellie and household and etc... in fact this is the first HOUR I have had to myself in months. J is watching E.

Just found out a week ago Mom is cancer free, slowly feeling the burden lift, it has been a terrifying and stressful YEAR. Slowly coming to terms with the birth. Was even able to put together a photo book of the images. I have much to be grateful for.

Low carb is something I can do for ME every day. Already eating healthier mostl since E is eating with us. Ia ms till nursing, we dance and walk everyday and she is a move so I am often on my feet chasing after her or doing laundry/dishes/vacuuming/scrubbing.... I burn alot of calories. I am in a routine now that stays about the same depending on E and outside events. I am in the habit of making a menu and 1 grocery trip and cooking in advance as well as eating most any meat. So, all the building blocks are there.

I am going to experiment with putting the scale away until Dec. 1 and let low carb just become a habit not an obsession....

Need Inspirational Reminders?

I do! And since we owned a vinyl sign business and still have the equipment I am opening a new business. Vinyl lettering with inspirational sayings and reminders to post on your fridge, cabinets, walls, scales..... Spread the word and stay motivated. Affordable and classy. More updates and announcements coming soon as well as photos of examples.

235 lbs Today!

I am excited!

For Eliana

Lets talk briefly about what is past. Dedicated to WOE lost 50lbs or so in 4 months. Bg avg of 90. Huge reduction in Novolog and Lantus and Met. A1C from 10. something to 5.6. Pregnant after 8 years of grieving and arguing with God over infertility. Pregnancy cravings and exhaustion led to higher carb amount. Family pressures, mom with cancer, stress from ice storm all together resulted in backslide and 60lb pregnancy gain!!! C-section, NICU, recover, loss of dear friend who was to mw my birth (resulting in transfer and hosp horrors) finding out Mom was probably dying of triple negatie breast cancer, subsequent rollercoaster, husband unable to find job, family persecution, birth post traumatic stress and guilt, long complicated recovery: STRESS STRESS GRIEF GRIEF STRESS STRESS GRIEF

I have Ellie. My bG has been in the 200's. I have been killing myself. Relied on carbs and sugar to deaden me to the pain just like a drug because that is how it affects our bodies when we are diabetic, drwoning in a sugar coma. Examined myself about a 6 weeks ago, prayed, journaled, cried my heart out. Forgave myself, Forgave others, Forgave God. New me.

I have Ellie now. She just turned 6 months. I want to be fit and healthy for her and Jason and me.

Have lowered my bG to avg of 125. Lost from 155 to 137 over 6 weeks. Husband on low carb also, has lost 15 lbs of dangerous belly fat and is much happier and energetic and creative.

Backsliding

So after losing 8lbs and doing/feeling great I am at Mom's helping her recover while J is in NYC. I have eaten: 2 saltwater taffys,3 slices poppy seed iced bread, 2 slices of prune cake, a slice of raisin pie with 1 scoop vanilla ice cream, and a bite of toast.... yesterday it was 4 saltwater taffys, 1c of caramel corn, 2 forkfuls of raisin pie, tiny sliver of prune cake, 3 shredded wheats. Typing it out it looks so very DISGUSTING. Stress makes me eat. I pray I can stop here and not go on with this. It is hard to eat low carb when bored/stressed/worried and there is a kitchen stocked with high carb food!!! Everything low carb J and I brought in with us. Their entire house is high carb junk...... Help me! It is also hard to eat low carb without J as a support system going along with me......

Almost 1 week in to low carbing!

I started again last Tuesday at 152lb and avg bg of 150's. I now weigh 144.2 with avg bg of 110! I am also using half the insulin. I feel so great. Jason is doing this with me and has lost 6lb so far. More to write about but i will have to edit it in as I must go get Ellie.....

No progress just backwards

Now I am at 249lbs..... 10lbs off pregnancy weight and I look like I am due any minute. The stress of my mom's illness and my life and adjusting to it all has made me not care about me. Today is the first day shopping and seeing full length mirrors. GOOD GRIEF!!!

What food on earth is better than having the energy and fitness to fully enjoy each day with my daughter and husband???? I know the tools. My last post was on April 18th, roughly 10 weeks ago. I could be at under 200lbs right now and enoying my old clothes and the summer..... what have I done? If I keep thsi up I will be dead.

Hmmm...About that illness of last post

It was a baby!!

After 9 years of marriage and 7 years of trying we were finally pregnant. That little girl was born Feb 24 and has her own blog.

Almost another full year. I am now 239lbs and miserable. Tuesday it will be 8 weeks since her birth. I weighed 262 days he was born. I was at 131 a week ago but carb cravings have really hit with all the stress and sleep deprivation. And I only have 3 hours with my hands free per day and there is so much to do.... shower, wash dishes, sweep, cook, put things away, laundry, exercise, Bible reading, catch up with friends and family, help Jason with his art career, and of course I would like to relax a bit sometime! I have to choose between those things each day and most days not all of them get done. Just like all moms! And I have been healing from a traumatic birth, surgery and a week in the NICU.

I am finally feeling a bit more like myself and now notice the flab and rolls and thunder thighs and that I would have much more energy if I was fitter! My diabetes control is terrible. It has been averaging 150!!!! I take 20u of Lantus and 10-15u of Novolog per meal. YOUCH! The insulin makes me fatter also. I dont want to raise Ellie to suspect I have body image issues and worse to not be fit enough to be all I can be and do with and for her.

But I am battling the carb addiction again as well as wondering just how many I can cut without affecting my milk supply as I am exclusively breastfeeding. How low can I go when sudden changes in diet affect milk supply is the common truth? Can simply limiting my carb intake to 12-20-20 make enough of a differance in my diaetes, health and most important to me right now- weight as it is combined with breastfeeding and as much exercise as I can cram in? We will see if I can find the gumption to do so... I am so tierd all the time that I boost my energy with sugar or I would ever make it through the day.

I DON"T WANT TO KEEP LOOKING LIKE THIS PHOTO OR WORSE!

I want to look like I did back the first week of June last year