Treadmill!

Last night I did it. I quit talking about it and did it. I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes, .80 mile. I jogged for three minutes 2x at 4mph. I put it on an incline of 10 for 4 minutes at 3mph. It felt great! So good to jog again. Won't talk about the mammma belly that is tender this morning. Yay! Poor Ellie was upset, she did not like the mechanical noises or momma jogging. She only cried a bit as Da had her, holding her, dancing with her and playing. Low carb went well per normal except this morning I had 1 square inch of bagel with cream cheese with some club soda as J and I are both exceedingly nauseaus. Yuck! But it did settle my stomach to a bearable and functioning level. Which is very good as I have much to do before the 5-6" snow over sleet they are forcasting. We are having to pack up and go to the town 30 minutes closer to Jason's work so he does not have nearly 1 1/2 hours of driving in this mess. I would rather be snuggled at home but E will certainly enjoy her grandparents Hargrove. I hope to speak with J's brother about diabetes tonight he has just been put on Lantus.... Off to Bible reading and laundry.

10 Steps for Low Carb Success

It amazes me how choosing low carb is just natural for me now. I don't think about cooking any other way. I am not tempted by what I see on TV or in ads or menus. I look at them and say "hmmm, wonder if I can do that in a healthy and low carb way". How did I arrive here? What do I think are some key points to this successful lifestyle change?

1. Deep Motivation. I am motivated by wanting to live to see my daughter grow up and enjoy physical things with my family like hiking, horseback riding, kayaking and etc. I was motivated by low self esteem and desiring to look like a model but over time I have replaced that false motivation that is shallow and easy to drown in a pint of ice cream. I am also deeply motivated by the numbers on my glucose meter. I am now in a 30-day average of 97 and am on tiny amounts of insulin!

2. Support. I am blessed by a supportive husband who has chosen low carb also to lose the dangerous fat around his middle, and now as I recently saw on Jimmy Moore's post of low carb testimonies from reader, lessening his borderline sleep apnea. The Dr. Bernstein community forum. Blogs and personal emails from fellow low carbers like Jimmy Moore's Livin' La Vida Low Carb, The Lighter Side of Low Carb, Carbs Suck and more.

3. Journaling. I use my blog to record and 'put out there' anything I am dealing with on this journey as I tackle my health and diabetes. It is a process as I did not arrive at this weight over night and there are many emotional factors that helped add many of the pounds. I am working on shedding them pound by pound also. I am also trying to record some great recipes as I have time. This provides motivation also as I look back on photos and older posts from time to time, especially if I am feeling down I can see how far I have come.

4. A Stack of Low Carb Cookbooks. I have thousands of recipes bookmarked online, I love them. I print favorites out and put them in a binder in the kitchen so I can take notes on changes and impressions as I tailor them to us. But there is something so affirming, friendly, and supportive in having a nice stack of cookbooks from George Stella and Dana Carpender to greet me! And yes, I take notes in the margins of them also!

5. Low Carb Research. Between Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Soloution book and forum, and Jimmy Moore's timely interviews and research of the leaders in low carb and health I can stay informed about my disease and low carb. This research just serves to back up and affirm the changes I am seeing in my blood panels, glucose meter, clothes size, moods, complexion,clarity of mind, and overall sense of well being and energy. I also enjoyed the DVD documentaries My Big Fat Diet about a Dr and First Nation's people of Alert Bay losing weight and gaining health by going back to a traditional low carb diet, and Fat Head a comedy documentary full of accurate research about the myths and truth of cholesterol and low carb.

6. Exercise. A commitment to move at least 15 minutes every day serves as a launching pad for more exercise as I have time during the day- I have an 11 month old so that is how most of my time is spent, there is little time for organized efforts! And if all I get in is 15 minutes I have met my commitment and do not feel guilty, thus easing stress and aiding in happiness and self esteem.

7. De Stressing. Essential to identify what is making me feel stress and find soloutions to ease it or remedy it.

8. Above All Prayer, God and Jesus!

9. Counting My Blessings. And realizing that I AM actually very happy and content. I just don't always see it. No, that does not mean I ignore real issues or deny myself sadness, it means I am truly happy most of the time and fail to recognize it.

10. One Step at a Time, One Day At A Time!

Reconnection

I am really enjoying life since I am no longer weighing every day! Ha! Who would have thought? I also realize something after my riding lesson. Well, a few things really. Due to the birth circumstances I felt like becoming a mother happened to me. I had no control over the process there was no gradual evoloution as my body birthed her slowly and my mind and soul learned to let go of the need to control and learned to just let God happen. Instead it was sudden, tragic, and brutal and as she was cut from my belly my life as mom was forced on me abruptly and my first act was of being unable to protect my daughter the complete failure to provide her with a peaceful, loving, quiet transition earthside. I love being a mom. But as of Saturday I feel, almost a year later, that I am ME the Star I have always known who has become a mom also. Somehow out on that horse reconnecting with my hopes and dreams and passions that have always been with me, I connected. Even my body which has seemed so foreign and split open at the center of my gravity, and my hips which were locked, opened and connected and feel like me again. Wow, what it must be like to have riding therapy for those with disabilities and injuries. I am a better mom, wife, and person after this reconnection. Not perfect, never will be. But I am now doing this as ME and feel at home in my body.

This has greatly improved my stress level, ability to sleep, and joy for life. What a blessing!

Back In the Saddle Again!

My new 7 day is 93 and 30 day is 97!

I am pleased. I have also as of yesterday taken up a hobby from long long ago- riding lessons! Great exercise and balance possibilities and absolutely tons of fun and ME time. I can only go about 2x a month but still! And it gives me motivation of another kind than weight control, to do situps, pushups and wall sits, so that I can progress in my riding. I want to ride dressage and jumpers again. I so miss it. And right now J and E are having fun playing while I catch up and reading and typing.

About Myself, Smiling?

I realized something this morning. I did not feel like reading Bible as I was so very tired and I went back to bed. I lay there awake thinking and praying. I don't know how to exhibit happiness. I am happy and content often but do not smile. I hide all my emotions until I explode with frustration which used to happen frequently until I got my bG under control. I have been focusing on relieving stress in my life. And on the day Evelyn passed on I got to thinking about the novel concept of counting blessings. Seems I can do much clear thinking now which completely disproves that low carb destroys your brain! Relieving stress is well and good but when you pair that with counting your blessings I think anyone would arrive at the same conclusion- okay, I have these awesome blessings, now what?

Now what indeed! I don't think it does much good to analyze the whys of how I got to be this way. I do know that I recall as a child always having to hide my true emotions and the problems and home and being lectured if not putting on a happy face at gatherings- "it's showtime" so that no one could guess the truth of what was going on in our household. I rarely saw my mom happy she most often wore a solemn look of determination or of sadness. But parents do the best they can do, it is all that any of us can do, so I am not placing blame. And maybe realizing these things will help me break the cycle and not hobble Ellie in this way- that is my hope. I want to model happiness for E so that she can see what that is like. Not a fabrication of happiness. I want her to be able to express her emotions and show them, happy, sad, angry, frustrated- whatever. So I have to figure out how to smile and be relaxed when I feel that way instead of hiding it in a solemn look of determination. I rarely laugh anymore except that I laugh often at E she is such a delight, but my husband is truly funny he is a really jovial kind of person and I have not been letting him see I find him amusing. Can you believe that? I like seriousness and broodiness, but why?

I also learned as a child that the one's worth is arrived at by accomplishments. If a job was well done, and the harder the job the better, then you could relax a bit. But perfection demanded you keep thinking about those jobs and how to improve your performance. I learned that by Mom's example. She was a perfectionist at housecleaning and sewing and it has served her well she has a very exciting career now, but unless all is perfect she is not happy and to this day I NEVER see her relax and have joy. She is always stressed. Early on in our marriage it would drive me insane how slowly and joyfully J got a job accomplished. I could run circles around him with a stern look on my face the whole time. We had so many arguments about it, but I could never figure out why I felt so frustrated and angry about it, I just thought he was lazy and did not know HOW to do things and I should teach him. And of course my anger and frustration got worse when I began to see he was never going to learn those things from me- efficiency and speed and solemnity- because I was a terrible teacher and example! Why would anyone want to do to themselves what I was doing?

And I am doing the same still. I, of late, feel like I am holding my breath each day until nap times until I can explode into a fury of housework to try to get the house as clean and perfect as I can- never being satisfied with what I accomplish. Trying to balance that with studies and journaling and exercise. And I am missing moments of Ellies life stressing out until the next nap comes. How terrible!!!

I am trying to relax but could not figure out how. Maybe today was a breakthrough?

And along the lines of self worth: I have tied my self worth and attractiveness to my husband and others with what I can accomplish and how quickly and perfectly, and how perfect my body can look. And I never achieve it and never will. I used to think I was so huge and ugly as a teenager. I look at those photos now I am solid muscle, tiny, tan and beautiful- well I was then! I never knew that. I want E to know better. To have an accurate and Godly sense of self and value. I have never been able to accept that J still finds me attractive and chose me above anyone else- I have always felt he deserved a supermodel and someday I would succeed in becoming like one. so I have hated my body and abused it in numerous ways- one of which is eating carb laden foods as comfort and pushing myself into diabetes. So very sad that so much of my life has been wrapped up in these silly ideas and quests. Where was my mentor? I only had glimpses of them. That is another topic for another day maybe.

Now, how do I smile more? I guess I need to put on 'radar' as a priority "hey, I feel happy or I feel content, this is nice, SMILE"

Why does all this go on a low carb blog? have I lost my focus? No. Because this lifestyle is about becoming healthy inside and out.

Well, of course, I googled it and came up with The Happiness Project So far, thought provoking and inspirational didn't realize till I read all the comments that she is an author. Plan to spend some more time reading here.

Low Carb and Cancer

I apologize in advance for lack of links to research, I'll get them.

I lost a cousin to cancer yesterday, Evelyn. She passed they said with not even a furrow in her brow just a serene smile and she knew they were all there an hour after they removed the ventilator. This family, her mom, Aunt Grace (my mom's dad's sister so actually a Great Aunt) is the most glowing on fire for Jesus in a completely real and inspirational way. When any of them walk into a room it just lights up, you can see the fire in their eyes and joy in their soul. They are about ministry and love. As is Aunt Grace's sister Aunt Carolyn who lost her daughter, Marsha, to lung cancer 2 years ago Aunt Carolyn's husband Uncle Kenneth is a minister. Also such an inspirational couple. The kind of people I want to be. I wish they still lived here. Maryland seems so far away. Grandad's entire family was/is involved in ministry. What I am trying to say is that what a tragedy to befall....but their strength and faith gives me more.

And more determination. My mom was 1 year past diagnosis of a very fast moving and devastating advanced breast cancer. She has been declared breast cancer free but they see some suspicious spots. She sees her Dr team this coming Tuesday. We may know more then. We are taking each day as it comes and trying to live in hope and joy without fear. I feel like a sitting duck. I think on my odds of having cancer daily. For in this family line almost all women have had breast, lung, or ovarian cancer.

Determination because I know that low carb kills cancer as it starves the cancer cells for sugar. It has been proven to reverse it. Remember what I said about providing research? I will. Just not now as I need to get to my Bible reading this morning.

I put away my scale. I need no more stress. I feel much happier without it staring me in the face. Weight loss stall or not. No backsliding for me. I want to live a long happy life with my family, if God is willing.

Progress Report.

I have had many little victories lately. 3"s off my waist. Down two pant sizes and almost down to another- almost a size 16! Walked by chocolate cake, brownies, doughnuts, pasta, pizza etc. and never even gave it a second thought. Have relaxed with myself about overzealous expectations and workout schedules so that I am happy and comfortable instead of in a fidgit trying to accomplish it all and letting life speed by. Still reading the Bible per the Bible in 90 Days program. All is good. My weight just isn't budging right now. Going to have J put the scale in the storage shed and lock the door. It is one temptation I cannot beat. And it causes me enormous stress, worry and fretting. The clothes do not lie I do not know why the scale does. I also missed my Dr appt yesterday as we took E to the park for the first time.

Perfected Low Carb Cornbread

Here is the picture as a teaser. YUMMY!
I am an expert southern cast iron skillet cornbread maker and I finally have created a very very acceptable low carb without any corn!

2/3c Soy flour
1/2c whey protein powder
2Tablespoons Oat bran
1teaspoon baking powder
1/2 t salt

4T melted butter
3 eggs
3/4c ricotta cheese
1c cheddar shreds
1t crushed red pepper flakes
1/2 Fiberfit (liquid sucralose sweetened fiber)
2T cream

Oil to cover bottom of cast iron skillet thinly.

Preheat oven, and oiled skillet to 350degrees

Combine dry in small bowl. Combine wet and cheeses in large bowl. Add cream if needed for a cake batter consistency. Pout into hot skillet. Oil should come up over edges. Bake 30 minutes or until like photo. I cut it into 12 servings for 4.03 carbs per slice including fiber!

Total Recipe not counting oil for skillet or subtracting fiber, as FitDay won't calculate fiber: 1744 calories, 102 Fat, 48.4 Carbs, 186.9 Protein (note, this count depens on whether or not your pro powder is heat stable. If it is it will say so on the label, if not then the amount of protein is questionable.)

I am so frustrated! I have put away the scale since the 4th or thereabouts. Weighed today. 228!!!! I am getting to walk 4x a week about a mile, I know I need more but the weather has been icy AND windy so hard to have E out long in the wrap and she is scared of the treadmill despite all I can do, it is a stage she is going through with the vacuum also so she cries and clings and even da wont do at night, it wakes her up if shes napping and I am to clumsy to justify wearign her while on the treadmill. I get to do half a bellydance workout and half a body scult workout about 5x a week. I have not cheated since the Holidays and even that was miniscule. I am using 75% less insulin. Having a pro shake for breakfast. Limited snacking as in not everyday and amounts of all food is measured. Carb count is always under 40 and usually at 30. My new 30 day average according to meter is 100bG woohoo!!!!

Possible problems? Sleep is not adequate I get about 6 for the first stretch and then am up for a couple hours to see J and fix food for him as he goes to work then as it is my only ME time to study Bible, diabetes, child rearing/education and do housework unencumbered, then I go back to bed for 1 or 2 hours and nurse E again throughout that time but I am also sleeping. Lack of good sleep causes stress and stress causes slow weight loss due to cortisol I am told. It could be hormones out of whack or thyroid since having E. We have insurance now so I am seeing a family Dr Monday for Diabetes and blood panel. And if he doesn't do a thyroid and hormone work up then I hear great things about the gyn I see in March. I am mid 30's I forget how old and that may play a part also. I am also extremely tired all the time.

Trudging on.

Still here, still low carb. No idea of weight. Just so so busy right now I haven't had a moment to blog. Made some great recipes in the past few days I will post soon, including a low carb cornbread I tweaked.

3 inches off waist in 2 weeks!

Yay! My belt now fits on the tightest notch, comfortably. Seriously, I am sitting here at the computer with it that way. And I haven't put away the scale... going to do it today....

I feel great. I really really do. We have gone visiting today and right now E is happily playing with Da and his parents. Bliss. I was unsure of what we had to eat here so I packed J's bento box with enough tuna, veggies, and such for all three of us. Came in handy. No excuse not to have low carb on the go now. Except that I need my own since J's is at work all the time. Again no endorsements. But this thing is AWESOME!

Rishara, I did get a 6-pack of Hanson's Root Beer. I contacted the company and the Kroger in Murray had it. YUMMY! We love it. Thank you for the tip!!! Can't wait to try it just with some cream. Sadly, I have figured out Breyer's CarbSmart is raising my bG. So no more. I need to make up some homemade ice creams. I have some great recipes especially from the Dr. Bernstein forum.

I am so very tired today. Backlash of having been ill and take care of everyone anyway without help? I just feel so blah and am a bit depressed with everything that is going on right now. Trying to decide what to do about debt, another car, moving, selling or renting this house, when etc. etc. etc. I keep thinking that it would all be okay and I would be happy all the time if I were just thinner and fit. Why is that? And if this is the attitude I have then won't I just lapse into overeating and becoming fat again once I am thin and fit? I am so happy and so blessed about so much in my life I just feel like I need a bit of a change and some fun and excitement for a day or two. you know, good excitement not stressful bad worrying excitement of something going wrong. Gotta go. E calls again after only a 10 minute nap.......

Boiled Custard for Breakfast

Still stalled.... Seriously putting away the scale until Feb 7. What is the worst that can happen as I am sticking to this WOE? That I maintain this weight and I keep stressing out dying to step on the scale 3 times a day- can I consider that as exercise? Best that can happen? I am surprised by losing 1 lb or so, and also gain some peace and confidence and happiness. I really think low carb treats, hormones, stress, sleep schedule are doing me in. But it is the best I can do at the moment. I don't even have a schedule because E sets that for me and she never ever tells me in advance so it is always a guessing game! I know some of you know what that is like, and thank you for your support, it means so much as I go through this. I am very very happy most of the time though, but sometimes I feel the need to be a little selfish- liek this blog for example- to keep myself sane.

I had low carb treats the go round before E and still lost tons of weight all at once. So I am not convinced that is to lame for the stall. I am suspecting that the more strenuous the exercise the more my body hold onto weight as it is protecting my milk supply.... Going to hook up the treadmill and try brisk walking and some flow yoga only this month.

I am also quiet happy with a protein shake for breakfast. I am putting a raw egg, cream, water, a cap of vanilla flavoring, pinch of salt and 2 caps vanilla DaVinci's into a blender with 1 scoop of Designer Whey Natural pro powder. TASTES LIKE BOILED CUSTARD!!! Yummy. Just discovered this yesterday. Y'all have got to try it, especially you Southerners who grew up on boiled custard. I also dicovered that if you put some DietRite Zero over a serving of Breyer's Carb Smart Vanilla Ice Cream, add some heavy cream to make it milky looking it is a SUPERB float. Cannot wait to try it once I find the Diet Shasta's around here... with ORANGE and ROOT BEER! why aren't there more soda manufacturer's using just Splenda and not aspartame? Health risks, mythical or not, aside I cannot stand the taste.

Am I supposed to tell you I recieve no endorsement money from these companies? If so, I don't never will and never have, and if I ever do for whatever reason I will let you know ahead of time. Ok? Don't you love government at work? Can't trust the people to be smart and wise and make good choices of common sense now can we?

Just thinking about not weighing and not doing Total Body Sculpt, Body Electric and All Star Workouts makes me ancy.... I am an addict. Apparently of many addictions.

The working out is not going so well. Have not been able to since Friday morning. Was down with flu. Finally able today and did not get back into morning routine as E woke up as her da left and cried for him calling his name so I had to get her up and take her to the door for kisses and byes. Then she kept waking up and staring at me every time I moved thinking I might be leaving also I guess.... Anyways she is FINALLY sound asleep. However, her animal sounds puzzle is in the floor and if I go near it will set off a loud cacophany of animal screams.... Will attempt anyway at 6:30's workout on FitTv.

Dr. B interviewed on Jimmy Moore's Show!

Looking forward to listening to this one--- still recovering from flu and taking care of E....

I', here, I'm here! Haven't fallen off the wagon or thrown in the towel. We went to Nashville on Friday and Saturday. Friday night Elie started puking, we thought it was just a fluke as she had no fever and was playing great so Saturday at 10a we went shopping and I am in jeans three sizes smaller! Now an 18 and L yoga pants instead of XL!!! Then Sat. night she started again and we headed home. She puked that night and Sunday. J and I started getting sick Sunday and are miserable... J is at work and I am chasing a much better seemingly healed energetic 10 month old while wishing I could curl up in the fetal position and read or watch a movie. No working out since Friday morning. bG is okay except a rise to 210 after feeling sorry for myself and nauseous and eating 15 club crackers..... Yuck!!!