What is it with bread?

I just ate half a loaf of 8 grain bread in two days... I like to mush up each piece to resemble a loaf and usually like to smear some butter cold or soft on the bread before mushing. I then like to eat it, especially in front of the TV and especially especially with a cup of milk. This is a comfort zone.

When I was 7-11 there was a cartoon I watched about Bible times and they were always eating bread and cheese and milk. It became my 'safe place'. With the turmoil that was just beginning in my house it was the haven I needed. When I am stressed I automatically default into this.

To fill my stomach full and round and bloated from the wheat I am allergic to feels warm and comforting to me. Like a snuggly blanket or being cradled in arms.

I am working on identifying my feelings/emotions because all I knew before therapy was to just squash them. And to drown them in sugar and carbs. But stopping to ID feelings and reasons and use logic is difficult when I have 30 years of ingrained patterns.

I think I will put some bold construction paper notices on the fridge, cabinet door, mirror, etc. that says something to the effect of "STOP: What are you feeling right now?"

It is my hope that through journaling I will peel back layers and find myself, whole, and free.

Without diabetes I don't think I would have ever paused to examine myself or whys. What a loss that would have been.