Low Carb, Entrapment, Choices

Written April 23, 2008

This way of eating must always be a CHOICE in my opinion. If something is not a choice then I feel trapped and struggle to rebel at any point I can, and lament my entrapment all the while. Just me or human nature? Probably both! For me this way of eating (WOE) may not always seem like a choice but it really is. I just realized that today while fixing J a high carb breakfast of one of my weaknesses Johnny cakes (corn bread pancakes). He is such a doll, he never asks me to fix high carb temptations. This morning being almost two months in again, I offered. He had a rough night at work, little sleep, had to go to 5 hours of his next to last Algebra class today before working extended hours tonight and tommorow. To add insult to injury I was hypo this morning (woohooo time to lower my night time dose of Lantus again!!!)when he came in, and so was mean and yelling about some trivial issue. Ahh Diabetes..... Neither of us recognized the hypo warning signs until later when I checked my meter....... I'm sure all of you diabetics can relate.So, there I was cooking his breakfast. I had been prepared. I ate two scrambled eggs cooked with butter and cream, and a Bran A Crisp. Ohhh those smelled so very good, and looked so good. And I said to self "Star, you have not had one thing that is not low carb pass your lips in weeks. If you deprive yourself of this tast you will turn it into a 'monster' that haunts you. Have a bit, be sensible. And be responsible and check your meter frequently after." Allright, that made sense. A bite here and there for some people may be okay. For others it triggers a landslide of carbo cravings that takes them back to square 1. I am one of those who is okay. So I took a bite.And it was yummy. Hadn't had a texture or taste like that in weeks! So I took another bite, and spread it with butter, and another until I had eaten 18 carbs worth of cornbread pancake after a 6 carb breakfast. For once, I didn't feel guilty. Which is good because when I feel guilt about food I chug into some more and some more and some more on a downward spiral, to the point that all I can thing of is that forbidden item. Maybe you can relate? I took a bolus of Novolog, and went about my business. I had chosen to do taste that pancake. I had chosen to keep eating it. I chose to take another insulin to help cover it and keep my numbers from raising over 140 and damaging my organs and killing my beta cells. And from the cool mind of choices not clouded by guilt or uncontrolled binging (which go hand in hand) I was able to look at it objectively. The pancake was really not that good at all. It felt gritty and heavy and lacking in nutrition. It felt fake. My time on this WOE had educated my body and tastebuds in fresh nutritious foods with minimal processing. The truth is. Just like eating the Veja-Links yesterday, my body revolts at garbage being put into it. I can see that my choices to stay on this WOE have become part of me, of who I am. I am no longer a carb addict cruising the aisles for chocolate, baked items, candy bars, cheese puffs, etc. Those cravings no longer rule me. I am the Star I have always wanted to be, could see myself being, happy, energetic, healthy,s trong, and unaffected by the bondage od addictions.Now to fill out all this info in my Glucograph and joyously calculate tonights dose of Lantus!