If I felt marvelous then I would have to confront my demons. If I feel miserable I never have the energy or time or clarity of thought to deal with myself. This is what I realized at 1Am this morning. Food isn't the only self destructive behavior I engage in.
I am struggling to find my identity and value beyond the way my clothes fit, hair falls, and number on the scale. I am also struggling the same if I do not workout, have a perfectly clean house, creatively accomplish something. The way I value me is all tied up in my looks and performance. Take those things away and I do not love myself.
Huh.
Now what?
There is no one to blame for this but me. No excuses.
I have to figure out how to surrender to God, to His truths. Truths like: I am His creation, I am beautiful because He created me, beauty is not just about looks it is everything especially ones soul, that I should be developing a carachter above rubies- the proverbs woman......
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